Mom is Forever

Motherhood changes everything. That’s what they say, and it’s true. It changes your sleep patterns, your body, your work choices, your relationships, your priorities, your aspirations, your morning routine, your evening routine, and everything in between. It stretches you to reach into places you never knew were accessible to you, unearthing deep pockets of courage, ingenuity, and patience. It makes you stumble over roadblocks that you never considered before, giving you the chance to learn about the Real Life at every turn.

But, more than any of these changes, motherhood changes your heart. It’s not just that it’s bigger and more capable of love than ever before. Being a mom actually changes the way your heart works. Your children become a part of every equation. Your heart doesn’t make a move without them. Each decision is now predicated on how your choice will affect your kids. They are, more often than not, the deciding factor on the Big Things in your life.

Even when you’re not faced with any decisions, your children are always there in your heart. Ask any mother on any day about what is most important to her, and you will always get the same answer – her kids. World peace would be nice, but the kids come first. No matter where you are or what you are doing, a piece of your heart is always focused on your little ones – wondering what they are doing, if they are okay, and when they will be home.

And, apparently, that never stops – once a mom, always a mom. Though your role will change as the years fly by, the core essence of what it means to be a mom – to love unconditionally, without reservation, completely and wholly – only grows stronger and deeper as you watch your babies grow up. Though you may start out changing diapers and end up babysitting the grandchildren, you will never stop being a mom to your kids. You will always worry about them. You will always want what’s best. You will always share your opinion (for their own good, of course), and you will always remind them to bring a sweater, eat their vegetables, and mind their manners. You will never stop thinking of them as your little angels, and – happily – you will always be able to embarrass them with hardly any effort at all.

Motherhood – it’s the life-changing, heart-expanding, reality-altering experience that will stay with you forever. Aren’t we lucky?

Image Credit: J.K. Califf

Posted: 09.07.2010 by FoBaM: Jamie

The Last Firsts

Today’s guest post comes from our friend Darcy who shares her thoughts about suddenly realizing that her youngest little man would soon be a grown-up man. We all know how fast time flies when you’re raising kids, but we love the way Darcy reminds us that there’s always something more to look forward to.

Today my youngest child made me an official “older mom.” We were out on the boat, and he lost his first tooth.

Blood spilt all over the fiberglass. . He held the tooth up triumphantly and grinned a new smile through the gap it left.  A grown up boy is emerging, poking through the funny words he still uses, his love of sippy cups, his devotion to his blankie and the kisses all the time he still allows me. There’s no stopping it. The tooth, like everything with kids, forces its way up and is gone. My grasp on his littleness, always flimsy at best, loosens a bit more.

Last night, I stayed up with my nephews. They are 17 and 15 and talk and look like men. They are smart and funny and sweet and polite.  I changed their diapers and kissed their booboos long before I was a mother myself. They don’t remember me snuggling them or tucking them in or lifting them from sweaty sleep, but I do. Last night, I played them my music and they played me theirs and we both took notes to remind us what we liked. We ate warmed-up enchiladas off of one plate with three forks, like pals. I told them to go to bed at last, and, unlike my own, they listened.

My five year-old son stands in my nephews’ shadows, awed and desperate for their approval. He farts on them for fun, and – like troopers and dudes – my nephews high five his every bit of growing boy-ness.  I think they see themselves in him sometimes, just as I do. Little tiny boys become these big men, these big, nearly grown men I love but cannot cuddle, adore but cannot pinch, wish to hold and keep and cradle forever but who now stand so many inches above me. How did we get here so fast?

My baby lost his first tooth, and it’s the last time this first will happen for me. As my friend Kim said, this is last of so many other firsts: first day of school, first stitches, first girlfriend. These firsts end with him.

Soon enough, he too will tower over me. Soon enough, if I’m lucky, he will share one plate with me, late at night, telling secrets.

Soon enough, he will be not be my toothless boy.

When not doing laundry or driving to soccer practice, Darcy Mayers writes the blog Post Picket Fence, tells stories at the team-published Polite Fictions, and co-authored the book, TO: A True Story in Letters, a very real portrait of modern motherhood, womanhood and friendship.

Image Credit: Sebastian Wendowski

Posted: 08.31.2010 by FoBaM: Jamie

Mommy’s Adventure

A big part of a mom’s job is standing on the sidelines. We watch our little ones make their way through the Big, Wide World. We hold our breath with each new step, adventure, and stumble.  We are coach, cheerleader, and team medic all wrapped up in one. Though sometimes what we want most in the world is to scoop them up, kiss their boo-boos (physical and emotional), and make everything alright, we swallow hard and hold back. Why? … because we know the value of a child’s sense of accomplishment and what it can do to boost that child’s self-confidence.

Many of us will watch our kids head off to their first day of school this fall. It may be the very first day of preschool, a new school, a new grade, or maybe even college. No matter what part of the journey they are on, we will still stand by with those same butterflies – feeling anxious and excited for them, bursting with love and heartfelt wishes for a perfect day, a perfect year, a perfect life. That’s a mother’s job.

But, what about mom? What is mom’s Big Adventure? (Apart from being a mom, that is!)

Perhaps surprisingly, moms often find that motherhood stirs up the creative spirit. Maybe it’s all that Play-Doh and finger paint. Maybe it’s the constant make-believe chatter and lilting kids’ music. Maybe it’s the chance to run away on bedtime story adventures. Whatever the reason, moms have a wonderful opportunity to explore possibilities that were once set aside in favor of being Grown Up.

You’ve shared with us, here on Fans of Being a Mom, how much you love the chance to be a kid again. You’ve written about swinging across the monkey bars, dancing in public, and singing out loud. You’ve traded stories about playing hookie, staying up late, giggle fests, and the wonder of seeing the world through a child’s eyes. These are wonderful moments, but what I like best is when a mom suddenly realizes that not only is her child’s life full of possibilities, so is her own.

So, what about it? As your child steps into the next part of life this fall, where will your feet lead you? Will you learn how to dance, experiment with cooking, take up scrapbooking, climb a mountain, pick up a musical instrument? Will you try throwing some clay on the potter’s wheel, getting into downward facing dog at yoga class, or maybe trying your hand at blogging? What adventure will you choose for yourself?

Image Credit: topfer on Stock.xchng

Posted: 08.17.2010 by FoBaM: Jamie

Top 10 Non-PC Reasons I Love Being a Mom

Each of us is a bona fide fan of being a mom. Good days and bad days, we love our kids and this wild journey – the snuggles, the laughter, and the wonderful moments of discovery. Of course we do. But, what about those not-quite-so-warm-and-fuzzy reasons for loving our mom status? You know, the perks we don’t like to admit to? Well, I’m coming clean. Here, in no particular order, are my top 10 non-politically correct reasons I love being a mom:

I love being a mom because …

1. When I look at a younger, slimmer woman I can make myself feel better about my less-than-perfect body by saying, “Just wait’ll she has kids.”
2. I have a built-in free pass card for any tardiness. “I’m so sorry. I would have been here sooner but my daughter threw up on my shoes just as we were getting in the car to go to preschool.”
3. My inner “mama bear” gives me an outlet for my aggressive side. Let me be really clear, you don’t want to mess with mama bear. She will take you down and take you out and ask questions later.
4. It gives me an excuse to buy all that awful, pre-packaged junk food that I never got to have as a kid. (Oh, don’t worry – it’s not all the time!)
5. I am never at a loss for something to talk about as long as the person I’m talking to has kids. Seriously – ten minutes of mom-to-mom (or even mom-to-dad) sharing, and I can be best friends with anyone.
6. I can blame any emotional outbursts on my hormonal imbalance. Sure, my daughter is six-and-a-half, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t residual fallout from the whole pregnancy/birth thing. That was a BIG deal!
7. It gives me a majority vote on all household decisions. “Well, honey, I really don’t think that a pool hall in the basement would be best for the kids. I think what they’d really like is a swimming pool with an imported cabana boy.”
8. No one can ever give me grief about undone housework. “I would have washed the windows, but I thought it was more important to spend quality time with the kids at the beach.”
9. It gives me an easy out from unpleasant social engagements. “Oh, I’d love to come to your presentation of your trip to the Grand Canyon, but I just can’t find a sitter.”
10. I can do or say pretty much anything and say my daughter made me do it. Whether I decide to wear stilettos to the playground, sing karaoke at the PTA fundraiser, or dye my hair orange; I can always say I did it for my little girl and no one will question a thing.

Ok, I spilled – your turn. What’s your favorite non-pc mommy perk?

Posted: 08.03.2010 by FoBaM: Jamie

Moms Are Where It’s At – Chad Hollister

“Moms are where it’s at.” So says Chad Hollister, the artist whose song Life is featured on the Fans of Being a Mom Summer Fun Social Slideshow. We were thrilled to work with Chad on the soundtrack for our new app, and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to do a little one-on-one interview. Ladies, prepare to be swept off your feet.

Chad Hollister is a Vermont-based musician who started his musical journey working his mom hard for a drum set. She wanted him to learn a “real” instrument first, but – after failed attempts with the violin, cello, and piano – she finally gave in and bought him a “piece-meal” drum set. The rest, as they say, is history. Now, with six albums out, he travels the country – sometimes with his full band and often solo – connecting with fans through live performances that feel more like family reunions than commercial concerts.

In addition to being a musician, Chad is also husband to Katie O’Rourke and dad to two young children – Bodi (3) and Riley (5). Chad talked about the amazing “power of motherhood” saying, “The days of ‘oh, she’s just a mom’ are far and few between,” adding, “It’s ridiculous that anyone would even say it.” He believes passionately that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and doesn’t for a minute underestimate the importance of the role.

As far as his own kids go, Chad is a very engaged dad who, when not on tour, spends much of his time at home with the little ones. They take their dad’s success in stride, sometimes joining him at shows, even getting up on stage to dance or sing. Chad says he “loves to watch these brand new minds create without even thinking,” and says that one of his favorite things about kids is the way they dance without any preconceived notions or inhibitions. Little moments like those – watching a child dance just for the joy of it – are what inspired the song Life. It’s become Chad’s unofficial theme song, speaking to his sense of humble gratitude for all the blessings that we sometimes take for granted.

… like kid-free trips to the supermarket. You’ve been there right? As Chad said, “It really puts everything in perspective when even going to the grocery store can be an amazing breather for you.” Joking aside, Chad feels strongly that everyone needs to find ways to “fill the well” – feeding their soul with whatever stirs their passion. For moms, this can be very difficult, what with the lack of time, sleep, and sanity; but that doesn’t make it less important. Chad sees how most of what his wife, a full-time mom, does during the day is “geared towards the kids and making sure the kids are happy,” and reiterates that,” … you have to have time for yourself.”

Are you swooning yet?

All too soon, it was time to wrap up our lovely chat. Chad was getting ready to hit the beach with his mom. “She’s 78 years-old, and she’s my rock,” he said, proudly adding that he’s not only a fan of moms, but a momma’s boy. “My mom taught me that being a great mother is what makes great people and then that just spreads right on down the line.” Well, Chad’s mom, we think you did a great job!

Check out Chad’s music and tour schedule at the official Chad Hollister site and, for all the most up-to-date news, be sure to “Like” his Facebook page. Maybe we’ll catch you at a show sometime!

Posted: 07.28.2010 by FoBaM: Jamie